


Broken

by changelic



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: ChanKai, Other, hospital!AU, kaiyeol - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-23
Updated: 2017-09-23
Packaged: 2019-01-04 09:07:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 9,675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12165840
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/changelic/pseuds/changelic
Summary: For Chanyeol escape is death.For Kai escape is living.





	1. Descriptor

Title; Broken

Author; Channie

Rating; PG-13+ (Triggering Content, Mentions of Suicide, Self Harm and Character Death)

Genre; Tragedy, angst, a little fluff

Length; 8,500 words (to undergo editing)

Soundtrack; The Art of Anesthesia - SayWeCanFly, Sufjan Stevens - Casimir Pulaski Day

Summary; For Chanyeol, escape is death. For Kai, escape is living.

"I need you, cause you make me laugh the most. I'm the best me when I'm with you. And because when you leave. Nothing feels right until you return. Please Kai...D-don't leave me."

\---

Authors Note; So I'm going to go over this thoroughly soon, so please ignore the difference between the last chapters style and the rest of the fic.... I wrote them a year apart so yeah.


	2. The Charred Boy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kai was in trouble, again.

It was a slow Sunday morning when Kai first saw Chanyeol, a morning where patchy sunlight broke its way through the threadbare grey of his curtains and swept itself across the room. The white of the sterile walls was drowning in reflections, the sleek laminate paint acting as a makeshift mirror, bouncing light beams in all directions. Soon a bleak room became a blinding one. It was hurting Kai's eyes to stay inside this noxious aurora, so with a heave he hastily removed himself.

Fingers met steel and soon wheels were turning, carrying Kai out into the hallway where hopefully something interesting was happening. But it much to his discontent, it seemed that out here too, where the bleach stank even stronger, there was nothing more than the play of light to occupy Kai's mind.

Rolling, sighing, peering, observing... There wasn't much else to be done,Maybe if Kai got to adventure, work his way past the glass and into the sunlight there would be more to do, more to life; birds singing in trees and breezes ruffling leaves. Flowers....

That would be heaven compared to the cacophony of beeping and the ached groans that echoed throughout his present. The present that as much as he wished, wasn't going to change.

Rolling.

Where would he go today, there had to be something going on somewhere in the cage of a hospital, and if he had to drag himself to every corner of this building to see it, then that's what he would do. Maybe Kai wasn't supposed to leave the ward, but he was pretty sure he'd die of boredom if he remained in there and that would just as unbeneficial to his health now wouldn't it. Or so his brain liked to reason.

So, on he pushed, past the reception desk, the cleaner's lockers and the cafeteria all whilst encountering minimal or no human life and soon Kai found himself in the empty ER waiting area. Sitting, Waiting.

If anything was going to happen today, it was going to be here right? This is where all emergencies are first met, here in this room of faded leather were the receptionist was napping on her tacky floral clipboard.

If something was going to happen, Kai would see it first. Now he just had to wait....

Minutes passed, hours maybe and all the while Kai didn't move a muscle, didn't twitch. Only occasionally did he lift his clasped fingers, unsticking them from the sweaty glue of May to replant them somewhere else, leaving the process to start again.

More time ticked, snores began to echo more loudly and Kai was about to call it quits for dinner when the distant sound of an ambulance called him to attention. The alarm went off, the receptionist snapped awake and it was hard to tell who was concentrating more on the door, Kai or the damned lady. Between their lapse of stares, they probably could have melted the door....and the incoming patient.

Not that he needed any help.

The smell of charred, probably still smoking flesh was prominent before the doors swung open, and Kai reached a white sleeve up to block his nose, his other hand reeling himself backwards to make room for the incoming stretcher

Screaming, writhing, crying, smoking. There would have to have been twice as many people crowded around this stretcher than normal and as the receptionist furiously began to slam things into her computer it became obvious what the situation was, purely dictated by the words coming from both the burning boy and the commanding doctor.

"Suicide attempt, burnt down his own house and trapped himself inside, mother is coming in shortly behind us, not injured but suffering from smoke inhalation,"

"Mother fuckers let me burn! I want to die, do you hear me! Let me burn, take me back....let me burn"

Hands held the large boy down as he thrashed around the white sheets and all too soon Kai was left alone again, just accompanied by his empty thoughts and the scolds of a doctor who had now noticed the fact he was out of his room....and his ward as well.

Kai was in trouble. Again.


	3. Demons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flowers just had a beauty humans couldn't portray.

A week or two passed before Chanyeol was caught sight of again, and Kai spent the majority of the time sitting in his bed. He'd grown tired of rolling around aimlessly and instead had trapped himself under the cotton of his sheets. He just watched. Watched as the sun moved across his room until it set and then he glared through the darkness at the expanse of plastic petals that adorned his room.

Last time his parents had graced him with a visit, he'd told his mother about how much he liked sunflowers, and every few months thereafter he'd been sent a vase full. But never real ones, instead fake, odorless pieces of plastic that disgusted Kai. He hated them. You couldn't replicate flowers, not without the same effect. Flowers just had a beauty humans couldn't portray.

Kai was watching the reflection of the stars in his window when a sudden bang alerted him to a presence. He sat bolt upright and turned only to find a blood coated Chanyeol leaning on the back of the door, eyes squeezed shut and form hunched over.

Kai snapped into action.

"Wh-What are you doing here! A-are you okay? You're....b-bleeding" Feeling rather useless at the fact he had limited movement, and the sight of blood was freezing him up enough already. Kai bit his lip, sucking in a deep breath before waving Chanyeol over, trying to get him to show him what was wrong.

"What happened?"

Chanyeol sucked in a sharp breath, wiping at his eyes furiously as he started to drip onto the floor, "I didn't realise anyone was in here... I-I'm sorry..."

"Gosh, you're making such a mess! Are you okay, do you want me to get a-"

"NO! Please don't.... I'm here to keep away from them."

"But you're bleeding everywhere and..." Kai paused, to gather his courage "I'll make you a deal, I won't get a nurse, but you have to let me help you okay? Deal?"

It was obvious to tell Chanyeol wasn't happy, you could just tell by the way he fidgeted and looked fearfully around the room but eventually after seeing something that was apparently only visible to him, he squeezed his eyes closed. "Okay...D-deal."

"Well get your goddamned ass over here."

\----

It turned out that after managing to bandage Chanyeol enough that he'd survive until a nurse found them in the morning, the boy had curled up on the end of his bed, head across Kai's legs and promptly fallen asleep... much to Kai's relief however,not until after he'd been made to blab the whole story.

Chanyeol had gotten out of bed to go to the bathroom, but coated with sleep and suffering from a series of psychotic hallucinations he had completely forgotten about the set of amenities in his room. Having wandered down the hall to the shared set, everything had been fine until he met the mirror. Unlike the one in his room anything sharp and anything that brought a reflection had been removed to stop any triggering thoughts. That wasn't the same here and once a reflection was caught Chanyeol freaked out at his charred mess of a face and slammed his arm into the glass. It had shattered all through his skin. Things had gotten a little blurry after that, at some point Chanyeol also managed to slam his chest on the broken glass as well, then be chased by a hallucination back down the hall to Kai's room.

Oh how wonderfully peachy.

Well at least the majority of the glass was gone now and he was seemed to be at peace for now. Kai left him there and curling up as well he fell asleep at the other end of the bed.

\---

The next morning, Kai was awakened by the hushed whispers of confused doctors and sitting up groggily he blinked away his sleep, trying to work out what was going on. But then he realised Chanyeol was asleep on his bed and there was blood all over the floor and he kind of thought they had a right to that expression. He mouthed a "shh" as he tried to gather his thoughts. He gave a quiet explanation but as soon as someone reached to take Chanyeol away he frowned, pushing the arms away. "No, he'll be traumatized if he wakes up and I'm not here..."

"Then you better wake him up..." With a sigh Kai saw no other option, so waving the nurses out the room he did as requested, his hand gently shaking Chanyeol's shoulder.

"Chanyeol....Chanyeol..." After a few moments of groggy shaking Chanyeol sat up and whined, rubbing at his eyes. "Chanyeol, the doctors are here they want to bandage you up... Is that okay...?"

"No I don't want to go..."

"Ani, you can stay here, I don't mind. I have a... session today, so I'll be gone for a little bit but I'll come back."

"S-session..?" the boy yawned, blinking around deliriously, searching for the nurses who thankfully weren't there yet. "Yeah, you know to get me better and all. I'll be back soon. But you should let the nurses look you over, they won't leave you alone otherwise...and they'll make you go back to your room."

It took a moment for the drowsy redhead to consider the options, and all the while Kai had to stop himself from freaking out. The other's slices had reopened and were currently staining the bandages a deeper red and his broken face had started to weep out thin black streaks. He needed to be seen to, and Kai breathed out a sigh of relief when the other finally agreed, patting his arm comfortingly before pressing the button beside his bed to call the nurses.

The staff swept in, and Kai was lucky enough to stick around just long enough to make sure Chanyeol was okay with them prodding him before he was back in his chair and swept out the room, thankfully too worried about someone else to linger over fearful thoughts of his own recovery. He sighed softly as he was rolled down the hall, his head resting back against the seat of his chair as he already began to feel sick to the stomach. With any luck, maybe this session would fix him.


	4. Drip

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Touché."

When Kai's eyes next fluttered open, he was back in his bedroom, a new set of sunflowers adorning his desk and an empty bed, now situated across from his. Kai had always been in a double room, but he'd never witnessed it as having a second person in it... Maybe a new patient had come in whilst he'd been out.

"Oh, you're awake..." 

Or maybe not. Kai squinted towards the door, trying to lift his head, but all he got was a groan and a blurred figure...the drugs pouring into his arm messing with his head. His fingers twitched. "Ch-Chan-....?"

"Yeah it's me, I'm sorry that I'm still here.... I left you in peace while you were sleeping... but the... guy said it would be better if I stay in here."

"B-but I've been asleep for hours..?" Kai sighed softly, eyes fluttering closed as a wave of nausea flowed over from him.

"Did he say why you were gonna move in here..." Chanyeol shook his head. "I thought you didn't want any friends...."

Chanyeol avoided that question. "He did write you a note though, said I couldn't read it....it might explain why in there..?"

Kai didn't feel liked summoning his voice again...so instead he held out his hand for the paper, it shook quite a lot, and he almost dropped it but Chanyeol closed his hand around it for him and he nodded in thanks, slowly drawing it into his chest as Chanyeol scuttled away to his bed.

Kai carefully pulled it open, holding it in front of his face so he could try and make out what it said... stupid doctors writing.

*

Kai-ssi, it's been awhile since we talked right? Especially since you don't come for sessions anymore.

I understand you'll be feeling quite under the weather right now, and I have explained so to Chanyeol. He will do his best to be quiet and keep out the way.

But Kai, I need to thank you. You did a lot for us and for Chanyeol today. If you hadn't have bandaged him, he would have needed a blood transfusion, and you also somehow managed to break him out what us psychologists like to call the first stage. He is in the second stage now, and is likely to make a full mental recovery.

We moved him in to your room, because he seems to be calmer in your presence and because you somehow kept his nightmares away last night, at least for now this comforts Chanyeol, and he wishes to remain in your room. If you are not okay with this we will move him.

Get well soon, and please treat each other well.

-Dr Shin

*

After reading the note, Kai was left with what felt like a large stone sitting across his chest. Should he be proud? Upset that he didn't have his silent loneliness anymore. But now he had a challenge.... and in his current state he wasn't sure how to think about it. He blinked softly.

"Kai..." the tanned male grunted, not game to lift his head in fear he'd throw up all over his bed.

"Why are you here...?"

"Huh?"

"Well....y-you know why I'm here, fire and all. But why are you here? Which part of you is sick?"

Kai stalled, clenching and un-rolling his fingers as scans flashed through his mind, drugs slipped into his veins.... He just couldn't seem to roll the words off his tongue. If he told Chanyeol, the other might be mentally hurt again and Kai was trying to fix that, not worsen it.

"Is it because of your legs? Can you not walk..?" Kai let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. "Y-yeah..." The lie slipped out too easily. But it wasn't 100% untruthful. Kai tried to reassure himself, but he was soon distracted by Chanyeol once more.

"I'm sorry for asking..."

"It's okay, it's only fair."

The next few minutes passed in awkward silence, and Kai spent the whole while fighting to keep his eyelids open, his breaths coming out in short pants as he grew paler and paler.

"Kai..."

He didn't even respond this time, but Chanyeol continued anyways, rolling over to cocoon himself in his blanket

"I said...I don't need a friend....and I-I don't but I need something else. I need a partner, someone more skilled than me to help me fight the monsters.... You were really strong against them yesterday... and although I may not be in need of your friendship I need your help." Chanyeol fell quiet for a moment, before speaking up again/

"Oh, and get some rest. You look like shit."

Kai blinked, utterly shocked until one more drip and he unwillingly complied, giving in to the darkness.

\---

Kai was in and out of unconsciousness for the next few days, but that was usual for his treatment, but even so he still thankful when he awoke with only one tube leading into his arm, as opposed to the original three. He sat up then, leaning on the wall for support as he glanced around his room.

Well it wasn't really just his anymore.

The other half had Chanyeol's bed now, and the very few items that belonged to the other. Still no flowers, still no cards and Kai frowned, pulling his beanie down further as he tried to work out what he was going to do about it.

He wouldn't be in condition to move for another day, and it wasn't like he could leave the hospital anyways to buy or collect anything for the other... maybe he could ask that lady at the desk?

"Hmmmm....."

His thoughts were stopped by the so-considered person entering the room.

"Kai you're awake! Do you feel okay?"

"Better than I was, that's for sure?"

"Will your legs work now?"

"....Maybe a little bit, but I doubt it. I'll see tomorrow."

"Kai, the sun is really bright outside. Aren't you hot with that beanie on all the time."

"No."

"Can you take it off? I want to see your face, is that okay? It's always half hidden by that red thing..."

"No."

"Please."

"No."

"I'm sorry."

"Kai, when was the last time you went outside, you're so pale."

"When did you last smile?"

"Touché."

"You better believe it."


	5. Smile

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something that beautiful, you didn't just miss.

Kai was sleeping when Chanyeol's constant babble brought him back to life again. Lush spring grass dissolved and daisies withered, all melding into the white tiles of the hospital and the yellow plastic of his flowers. He couldn't help but sigh with this sight to wake up to. The bars on the windows, bleach riding up his nose....

 

What didn't this place share with a prison description?

"Kai. I'm going to go stir crazy."

"You think you are, pfft."

"Let's do something."

"Like what Chanyeol, we're not supposed to leave the ward, hell not even our room and if you so much as suggest that I play scrabble with you again..."

"That's never stopped you before.... Not being allowed to go out... "

"It is now."

With a irritated huff and a hesitant run of his hand through his hair, Chanyeol's lips fell into a pout before he did anything. But what he did do, the purpose was certain. He was out of bed in all of ten seconds and moving across the floor. White cotton hung too short on lanky limbs and he hastily dragged Kai's wheelchair over to his bed.

"Get in" he all but demanded, crossing his arms across his chest; Kai just narrowed his eyes.

"Fine then, bean pole."

Before any resistance could be made, the drip bag was pulled from its stand and placed instead on the wheelchair's, then Kai was screaming, all while being balanced between the two damaged but sturdy beams of Chanyeol's bandaged arms, he clung around the others neck, fearing for his life.

Chanyeol placed him in the wheelchair and moved him away from the bed, a very smug smile on his face.

"Wanna come now"

"You moron..."

"Is that a yes?"

"That's a no, because what are you gonna do next, drag me to the kitchen and dump me in a mincer?"

"....there's a kitchen?"

This question completely stunned Kai, and skilfully spinning himself around he side eyed Chanyeol, kinda confused. "You're fed three meals a day, where did you think it came from?" 

The taller shrugged, face somewhat fallen as he felt a feeling of stupidity wafting over him. "I just didn't realise..... I thought it was delivered or something." Kai rolled his eyes before grinning, rolling himself out the room. "I'll show you, come on giant."

"Really?"

"Yeah, so hurry up. We gotta sneak past the attendant."

Chanyeol was quick to skid after Kai, and soon both of them were either parked or crouched behind a pot plant, a finger placed over Kai's lips in silence as they waited. A minute passed, then ten and Chanyeol was about to voice a protest about what they were waiting for when Kai's face suddenly lit up. The attendant rose, an empty cup of coffee in her hand and as she disappeared in the opposite direction to get a refill, Kai zoomed past the desk, Chanyeol keeping good pace behind him. They didn't stop until they were a good hallway twist or two away and Kai spun himself around in a donut happily, grin making his entire face glow.

It made Chanyeol's own lips twinge slightly.

"We did it! We did it! Now to the kitchen right?" Kai stopped to dazzle Chanyeol with his features once more, Chanyeol just nodded.

"Alright. Hey! I'll show you something fun on the way yeah? You haven't really had a chance to explore since you came here now I think about it."

"Not really. I didn't think there was much to explore or anything..."

"Chanyeol, when you're stuck here alone, with nothing else to do. Anything can be an adventure, hmm?"

After a few more minutes of silent rolling, eventually the pair came to the longest strip of hallway in the hospital that wasn't in direct view of a doctor or attendant. A hand clap of delight sprung from Kai as he saw the area had just been mopped.

"You're in luck, Yeol. This is the best time to play here!"

"Play? Why?"

Kai pointed to the 'caution wet' sign. "Yeah, cause it's all slippery. You can use your socks, it'll work alright, I'll use my chair, just pretend your ice skating. Okay?"

"O-okay.."

"I'll go first yeah?"

Kai backed up a little, gaining himself a run up before pumping his skinny chocolate arms as fast as he could, he flew towards the wet flooring. Once his wheels met the water he twisted and soon not only was he sliding along at full speed he was twirling too. He held his arms out and he almost missed Chanyeol's smile as he lost himself in a land of reminiscence, of twirling and dancing, of stage lights and makeup. Of the world Kai loved.

But something that beautiful you didn't just miss, and when he stopped Kai took a moment to stop and stare, both boys grinning stupidly at each other from opposite ends of the hall.

"Chanyeol... you smiled."

\--------------


	6. Release

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> But when Kai woke up, there was only silence.

The days passed quickly. Kai woke with a smile, and Chanyeol ended their day with one. Adventures arose, moments were shared and within a week or two Chanyeol and Kai had caused double the amount of trouble Kai could have done alone in his entire life. Chanyeol perked up a lot, cheering up into a happy virus that was almost weird to look upon considering what Kai had witnessed in his first few days of admission. But depression changed people, he'd learnt it first hand now, and he would have done anything to keep Chanyeol this way.

The other thing that changed, was Kai. Chanyeol didn't think much of it, but his "sessions" were growing a lot more frequent now. "At least he'll be getting better." He had thought, as he spent seemingly day after day waiting for the other to return and awaken.

But now, Kai had a week off from treatment and Chanyeol was about to be released so the friends had sought out a quiet place on the rooftop to talk, watching the cars drive by below as they joked.

"Kai, my face is ugly. Isn't it." Chanyeol had murmured at one point, arms crossed on the balcony and cheek resting atop. Kai had frowned, wheeling forward a little so he could poke at the other's side. "I don't think it is." he had voiced strongly, continuing to poke until the other made eye contact with him.

"But you didn't see it before."

"But I didn't know you before."

"It's not fair." Chanyeol huffed, turning the other way to sulk, Kai just laughed.

"What?"

"You always win our arguments."

"That's cause I'm usually right about these things."

"You're a cheat."

"Am not."

"Are too."

"Chanyeol stop!"

Flailing as the other resorted to tickling him, Kai slapped the other's hands away, still laughing slightly when the other relented. Chanyeol chuckled, leaning back against the railing again.

"What do your family think about it, the new ones." Kai started this time, watching the other with a fond smile as he thought. Chanyeol had been disowned after the whole house fire incident, and now that he had been found a foster family, he would be released from hospital in the next few days. Chanyeol seemed to like the new adults, but he never liked it when Kai brought it up. The tanned male just figured, that he was nervous... or something like that.

Chanyeol hummed in thought before replying.

"The same as you, the said it was a part of me. And that I wouldn't be the same me without it... but if it makes me uncomfortable, then they're willing to give consent for a reconstruction." he nodded a little and Kai grinned.

"And are you going to get one."

"I don't know..." sighing, a pair of searching fingers slid off Chanyeol face, the redheads own replacing them and testing at the edge of burnt scar tissue, tracing the edge that ran around just under half his face.

"I'm sure you'll decide in time, perhaps when you go home for the first time hmm?" With a smile and a nod, an exhausted Kai rests his back against his chair, gracing the curves of the clouds with his chocolate irises, soon Chanyeol piped in again.

"And when are you going home Kai, surely your, treatment is over soon too.. right? You'll get to go home soon?"

Kai almost choked, his hands grew sweaty and hastily he tried to find the right words before he started to tremble...

He'd never been good at lying.

"Yeah, I will. Not long after you I expect. We'll both be free hmm? Sounds nice right?" Kai sighed, an easily mistakable sound. Chanyeol took it for one of contentment, of wishing that the moment would come closer. But Kai knew it to be much more than that.

"Promise you'll come visit."

"I promise Chanyeol."

"I'll miss you Kai..."

"I'll miss you too."

"Don't take too long to get better, okay?"

"I promise Chanyeol, okay. I promise. I'm not going to forget you, I'm going to get better real quick, and come right on over to inspect that new home of yours, so you better get moved in fast, got it?"

"Roger that... You tired?"

"Yeah..."

"Come one, I'll take you back down."

Before Kai knew it, he was asleep. He was barely even out the elevator, and much too far gone to hear Chanyeol's chuckles when he noticed the other had drifted off. Strong arms tucked him bed and plugged in all the right tubes before slipping across to his own bed, curling up for his own nap until only soft snores filled the room.

But when Kai woke up, there was only silence. 

Chanyeol was gone.


	7. Ink

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chanyeol's head was spinning.

Chanyeol settled nicely into his new household, slowly but surely he found his feet again. Going to school, and picking up the hobbies of a normal male his age. After a month or two however, his mood started to drop and his new adoptive parents had no idea why. They were kind to Chanyeol, and he wasn't having any trouble at school. He played guitar now, and music often tumbled out under his door. But soon, it was replaced by nothing but silence, and the very worried adults knew they had to intervene.

A short knock on his door and a seat on the edge of his bed, Chanyeol's mother bit her lip as she looked over her new found son; sprawled across his bed in a draped star, eyes blankly staring at the ceiling. Her grip tightened on the sheets beneath her.

"Chanyeol-ah... Don't lie to me. Are you okay?" The charred boy lightly shook his head and she nodded in understanding, still treading lightly with her words.

"What's wrong? Would you like to talk about it."

Chanyeol let out a sigh to that, brows furrowing in thought before he nodded, eyes falling closed. He wanted to talk about it, but did he trust her? Chanyeol decided he did.

"I miss him, umma..." He had mused quietly, watching the back of his eyelids because it was more comforting than the cracked paint of his ceiling. More familiar.

"Who sweetie?"

"Kai... Did I tell you about him? My friend from the hospital."

Chanyeol's mother let out a small noise of understanding then, remembering the specified male now he'd been mentioned. "Well why don't you go visit him? You can any time, you just have to ask..."

"But he'll have been released by now, I don't know where he lives! He might not even be in the area anymore umma." The elder lady tutted.

"Well I'm sure the hospital receptionist will be happy to give you his address, and if he's particularly far away you can always write him letters until you can meet up."

The suggestions made Chanyeol's lips twinge, he hadn't considered those options, and both deemed very plausible. His mother saw his half smile though and lent down to give the teen a thoughtful hug. "After school tomorrow, why don't you swing past the hospital and pick up his address. We can work from there."

"Thank you umma..."

"No problem, but just remember Chanyeol." She gave a soft smile, pressing a kiss to Chanyeol's forehead. "A problem shared, is a problem halved. Don't be afraid to talk to us, okay?"

"Okay."

\---

The next day, Chanyeol was nervous as he crept into the hospital, clutching the strap of his guitar case as he headed to the counter. He returned a few smiles he gained, some the staff even greeted him, and he made sure to do the same as he waltzed up to the receptionist.

"Chanyeol! It's been awhile! What can I so for you? You're not hurt right?" The woman started tilting her head as a set of familiar manicured fingers tapped against a floral clipboard. Chanyeol chuckled and smiled.

"I'm fine, thank you, Noona. I was just wondering if you could tell me where Kai is? His add-" he was cut off by her laughter.

"Why are you even asking Chanyeol, you know where he is. Same place as always, unless he's causing trouble again." Chanyeol stuttered a bit but bowed anyways.

"Oh.. Umm, thank you." She nodded and smiled. "No problem."

\--

Chanyeol's head was spinning as he crept up the stairs, Kai was still here? He hadn't been released yet!? Why wasn't he better yet, gone home, danced like he always wanted to do again. Chanyeol was so confused and completely and utterly desperate as he skidded to a stop in the doorway of his old room.

It looked almost the same, minus his old things and the second bed but otherwise identical. Even more fake flowers than before, a few more machines looped around Kai's bed and his chair was still sitting there. There was one major thing missing thought that caused Chanyeol to frown. Amongst the tossled sheets, there wasn't a tanned body, no baggy black tshirt or red beanie. There was no Kai. Just a bunch of cotton and a clipboard. In fact the clipboard that usually hung on the end of the bed with Kai's medical records.

Chanyeol had never looked at it, Kai wouldn't let him... But he needed to know where the other was.. Tentatively he reached forward, scooping it up and flicking the page. He scanned down the words, the latest entry no further back than that morning.

A few seconds passed before suddenly Chanyeol screamed, a clang signalling the clipboard's fall to the floor.

Then he was gone, running off down the hall for all he was worth.

It seemed to be that Chanyeol had the worst luck in life. Nothing ever wanted to swing his way. It especially wasn't helping, that his new destination wasn't listed on any of the overhead signs. With a mumble of "that's just fucking typical" he picked a random direction to run in.

Low bone marrow. That wasn't so bad right? Maybe weakening and a little painful, but not too bad right?

The other let out an exasperated sob as he yet again spun around in dizzying confusion. Hospitals should really get better signs; This was making him more frustrated than the new information he'd read about. Everything was so wrong. Kai was supposed to be getting better. He was going to walk again and live a happy life, Chanyeol would probably relapse a few times, the doctor had even admitted so, but, eventually he'd get on. And they both could have grown up happily.

Cancer.

The ink had stained behind his eyelind it was written so many times, Chanyeol couldn't even blame his eyes for deceiving him.

Kai had cancer. And he was going to die.

In fact, his lifespan had been estimated to roughly the time Chanyeol had been admitted, Kai was on his final legs when Chanyeol had first met him. And that meant every promise, every hope was a lie. It was too late for him, Kai wasn't going to get better. The only way he was coming out this hospital was to be buried and that made Chanyeol cry so hard he couldn't see which direction he was running anymore.

How was he supposed to know where the ICU was without any signs to guide him. Chanyeol had been left in the sterile dark again and he hated it. Why was no one ever there to show him which way to go?

Oh. He'd forgotten. That person was Kai.

Eventually he had skidded to a stop by a wandering nurse, hips too wide and heels to tall, who with a pout full of coral lipstick had pointed him in the right direction. Chanyeol had bowed in desperate appreciation before skidding off again.

He didn't bother holding in his tears as he approached the ICU rooms, every window he passed only solidified the graphic image of a broken Kai further into his mind. Bodies became machines, connected invasive to help with breathing, some even to keep hearts beating.. It was hideous to bare witness too. But nothing, nothing could have been more saddening than the sight of Chanyeol's well known chocolate male, more like chocolate milk now than cocoa. The taller had to choke down a sob so hard that it actually stirred the sleeping dancer, his eyes blinking sleepily open before glancing at the new comer. Kai would have sat up, but he didn't have the strength nowadays.

"Chanyeol... You came back..."

"You lied, you fuckwit." Chanyeol huffed, wiping at his eyes because he did not want to Kai to have to see him this emotionally distraught. Not a second time.

"You said your name was Kai, like what the fuck. Kim Jongin?"

Kai laughed.


	8. Eyelids

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The day would end, and another soon began.

Once again, Kai and Chanyeol became a unit. Attached at the hip, never seen without one another. Stuck by a bond even stronger than glue. Sometimes as the nurses wandered by they'd stop just to glimpse them; curled up against each other, Chanyeol usually petting Kai's hair and sometimes, soft murmurs conversing between them. They didn't cause mischief anymore, not apart from Chanyeol occasionally sneaking donuts into the ward, or tripping over all the cords and tubes that littered the space surrounding Kai's bed. It all became painful, well behaved routine and Chanyeol didn't know how he was still coping.

Everyday school would end at 3:00pm. The bus would get him into town by 3:20 and he'd walk to the hospital, guitar case swung over his shoulder and messenger bag smacking against his thigh. At 3:27 he walked into Kai's room. Unless, of course, it was a Friday on which he would stop to collect donuts, and would not arrive until five minutes later.

He'd shuffle in with a smile and gently peek to see if the other was awake before dumping his stuff by the bed, in favour of clambering on it next to the cancer patient. Then, he'd proceed to ramble about his day, every tiny detail from the maths assignment he hadn't started yet to the weird looks his science professor always gave him. Sometimes he'd talk about all the strange new words they'd learnt in English or about the short, squishy boy who sat next to him in Music who had the most beautiful voice... and was most definitely not his type...

He talked and he talked, cause he knew that Kai liked it. He liked to hear stories of what happened outside of the white walls he had for so long now resided in, he liked to hear that Chanyeol was living. Sometimes, if he felt up to it, Kai would talk too. His voice would be quiet and weak, and sometimes his words slurred, but Chanyeol didn't care. He'd wrap his arms around the other and play with his fingers whilst he listened to stories of curtain calls and practice halls. Of tours, and trips and performances and scholarships.

Shortly after dinner was served at 6pm, Chanyeol would talk again until Kai fell asleep, exhausted from a day's worth of slowly dying. Lulled by Chanyeol's voice he'd drift off with a small smile, at peace for at least awhile. He had sweet dreams whilst Chanyeol was here, he didn't notice the pain. Whilst the other spoke, he could lose himself in deep voices and stories and dreams. He was alive whilst the taller was present, and Kai held on for those moments.

When Kai fell asleep, Chanyeol would sigh lightly, distractedly playing with the other's hair before reaching down to take out his homework, studying and completing assignments until his foster Father finished work and came to collect him at around 10pm. Sometimes by that time, Chanyeol was asleep too... paper and pens sprayed across the bed and the floor whilst fiery scars lay hidden in Kai's pale neck. Thankfully Chanyeol was scrawny and his Dad was rather strong, so he always got home, unwoken in the end.

It was a grueling cycle, and more than once had Chanyeol found himself breaking down, beating his fists against the walls and screaming out tears in the hall instead of entering Kai's room, broken, shattered and desperate. Kai wasn't going to get better... but he had to believe right? He had to.. But it was written as plain as ink, he could see it stained on the other's eyelids every time he fell asleep. Everyone time they fell closed left Chanyeol terrified, because he knew the possibility that they could possibly never open again, as plain as that. He never said goodbye when he left for that reason. He was scared of finality, so instead he'd just kiss the other's eyelids, tears often slipping as he prayed they'd open again to smile at him tomorrow.

A few minutes after a breakdown, with swollen eyes and flushed cheeks, he'd enter the room. Somehow always forgetting that Kai probably would have been able to hear him.

Said male would then look over at him then, hidden under a red beanie like always and with eyes that seemed to read right through Chanyeol. He'd watch his irises shatter with emotions, fresh and raw and rippling. The hurt look he would give Chanyeol when he saw him in such a state did nothing more than crush Chanyeol's heart further. But, puffing up his chest he'd grin. Eyes crinkling and lips pulled wide before he'd stride over and sit on the other's bed. Ready to burst into a story. But, somehow, on days like these the words would catch in his throat and he'd stutter his way to almost bawling once more. These days were the ones where Kai was the rock, reaching out to gently pet Chanyeol's cheek whilst simultaneously tilting his head towards the guitar.

"Just.... Play me a song today? Please."

\--------

One day, when Chanyeol entered Kai's room on time as usual he caught the other sighing, his fingers splayed across a plastic sunflower. Chanyeol had always seen Kai practically drowning in them, but he'd never quite understood why they were sent. Kai hated them with a passion, always wrinkling his nose when they arrived at his room. But this time a thought shook him.

How long had it been since Kai had seen a real flower? Dirt even? With a growl Chanyeol dumped his stuff on the floor, startling Kai who blinked widely at him. "Chanyeol what are you--." Watching as the redhead stormed across the room, Kai was perhaps a little intimidated. Chanyeol merely fetched the abandoned wheel chair, long left alone by the warmth of the window. 

"Chanyeol I can't--"  
The look that Chanyeol posed as he began toying with the others tubes and wires was enough to hush Kai, the younger male instead wrapping his arms around himself and letting the other maneuver him. Chanyeol had been here with him long enough now that he knew what was necessities and what was precaution, and when he had the wheel chair set up, as careful as he could be he lifted Kai up and into the chair, internally cringing at how light the other was. Next came the thick blanket off the bed which he bunched around the other, making sure to cover his feet and his chest before Chanyeol wheeled them out of there.

It was a slow, and risky trip but Chanyeol was a man on a mission, 100% determined to succeed in his plan. He slowed them to a stop behind the pot plant, both boys getting lost in waves of nostalgia as they eyed the nurses coffee cup.

Eventually, as they both knew she would, the nurse rose to go and fill her cup and Chanyeol pushed them forward with a rush, Kai releasing a yelp and gripping on his chair thanks to the sudden speed. Chanyeol didn't stop running until they were out the hospital's front doors and a short way down the street.

Somewhere along the way, thanks to the heightened speed Kai had screwed his eyes shut and clenched his fists in an iron grip on the arm rests of the chair. But when Chanyeol released a sigh of relief and slowed down, Kai slowly opened his eyes to the tickle of sunshine on his cheeks. His ears were being assaulted with the sounds of people and the crunching noise of tires on tarmac. It was loud, and strange and it filled Kai with nostalgia as he watched the people pass by him, caught up in their own lives and destinations.

What was even more fascinating than the people however, was the sunshine. Holding his pale arms out in the wind to catch the rays, Kai beamed so bright Chanyeol could feel it behind him, his face also mirroring the action as Kai willed himself not to close his eyes in ecstasy; lest he miss the view.

Chanyeol lead them carefully to the park just down the road from the hospital, smiling so widely that his face was starting to hurt. Pushing the chair into the centre of the park, Chanyeol left Kai amongst the grass before leaving to pick the other flowers, handfuls and handfuls of flowers that he decorated him in. Resting them on his blanks and in his hands, weaving them through his hair and tying them to his chair in festive celebration. It looked kinda ridiculous honestly, Kai hooked up to all his wires and bags, skinny and frail and tucked in his wheelchair, but then surrounding him were masses of flowers in all bright colours and shapes. Chanyeol laughed. It didn't matter anyways, the look on Kai's face had been completely worthless. Crushing petals between his fingers, the other had his eyes dreamy and wide open, glancing around them in the manner a child would upon the first time entering a toy store. His cheeks were pressed up into a grin bearing almost all his teeth and for the first time Chanyeol had seen, Kai looked truly happily.

Taking out his phone, Chanyeol took a picture.

Maybe Kai was still breathing, but the more that he thought the more Chanyeol realised that after being trapped in that hospital for so long. Kai had already died, and only just now was he truly alive once more.

Somewhere between singing some hideous rendition of a nursery rhyme and Kai tucking a flower behind a scarred, tattered ear; the hospital staff found them. Screeching something at Chanyeol before with a glare they hurriedly whisked Kai away. The tanned male wasn't with it however, giggling contently to himself as he clutched at his flowers, completely bignoring the doctor that was trying to check his pupils.

Chanyeol followed two steps behind, obviously in trouble and was sent home early once they arrived back at the hospital. Chanyeol couldn't complain, Kai was still grinning even as they pulled him into the ICU ward, and so he headed home with a lighter heart. When he arrived, he made a beeline for his pile of textbooks, peeling open the tattered cover to preserve the flower from behind his ear between the pages.

\---

Chanyeol wasn't allowed in Kai's room without a nurse on guard from then onwards. It didn't faze him though because, it didn't really change anything to him. He still came, he still spoke. But now Kai, who seemed more at peace than ever, barely said anything at all. There were days when he didn't even wake up the whole time Chanyeol was there, leaving the taller to whisper desperate wishes into the other's cheek for hours upon end.

One day however, after listening to Chanyeol ramble on about his science teacher again through half lidded eyes, Kai began to cough, heaving to the point that Chanyeol was scared. His hands hovering as Kai slowly drained of colour, his sleeve held against his mouth.

After what seemed like hours, Kai finally sucked in a breath, leaning back against his pillows with closed eyes as what little colour he had left finally returned to his cheeks. He pulled his sleeved hands away.

Red.

His sleeve was red. And Chanyeol could feel tears prickling again. It wasn't a new feeling.

"It's spread..." He whispered, clutching at the sheets beside him.  
"Yeah." Came Kai's non-committal response, eyes still closed.  
"How long...?"  
"Few weeks.."  
"Dammit Kai! You promised me you weren't gonna lie about this anymore! When were you gonna tell me huh?!"   
"You never asked.."

Chanyeol gave an exasperated sigh, running his hands over his face. "Well I'm asking now, is there anything else I should know?" The words stuck in his throat, he wasn't sure he really wanted to know the answer anymore. He wanted to just keep coming, every day at 3:27, he wanted to keep talking, keep holding onto this tiny belief that they could just go on like this forever. But like a knife, reality cut deep, and it scarred.

"It everywhere now.." Kai's voice was small, lost even. Blank to the point the lack of emotion terrified Chanyeol. "Well, everywhere but my brain. There's blood in my lungs now, and my heart is gonna give out any day now." Eyes fluttering closed so he didn't have to watch Chanyeol's broken face, Kai's voice continued.

"I can feel it coming, the darkness. It's looming Chanyeol and I'm not scared of it anymore you know?" He smiled faintly. "I've... I accepted it a long time ago, I'm weeks past my expiry date... Every day, I just take another step and its coming. I-it's coming."  
"Kai please--"  
"What do you want me to do Chanyeol! I'm fighting, but its coming. I can't do this much longer! My heart... my heart it hurts I.."  
"Please just keep fighting, you can't give up... maybe--"  
"I'm going to die okay Chanyeol!! There's no lying about it! I'm not lying about it anymore. I'm going to die! And there's nothing you can.. nothing anyone can...."  
"I need you!"  
"....Wh-what?"

Tears were rolling down Chanyeol's face now, blurring his vision to the point where Kai was just a blur of white and a pastel brown smudge. Kai wondered if that's all his memory would be able to recall of him in the future and the thought made him cry harder.  
"I need you. I need you cause you make me laugh the most and I'm the best me when I'm with you. And because when you leave. Nothing feels right until you return. Please Kai... d-don't leave me. Please..."

For the rest of the evening all that could be heard from Kai's room, was the beeping of a broken heart, and two males' sobs.

\----

The cycle continued. Kai didn't respond at all now, rarely even opened his eyes. Chanyeol would just sing and talk until it was time to leave, then he'd press a silent kiss to Kai's eyelids, of which the other would respond with a gentle smile.

The day would end. Another soon began.

The amount of machines around Kai grew, the sunflowers stacked up across the floor and the chairs now. The beeping of the monitor became the only words Kai could speak to his best friend. 

Chanyeol was crying quietly when it finally happened, singing a quiet song under his breath when the beeping stopped. Replaced by a line and a continuous drone.

Chanyeol was frozen, screaming brokenly as the nurses and doctors bustled in from all crevices. He was pushed to the side, screeching for his best friend as he heard shouts of terms he didn't grasp. At some point, his father came out of nowhere, dragging him thrashing and screaming out the room with teary eyes and gentle coos. The redhead collapsed no further than the hallway, sobbing desperately as his foster father cradled him to his chest.

Kim Jongin was pronounced dead at 10:10pm. Thursday the 14th of October.

\----

The sun was bright and the bus was bumpy, leaping along country roads with Chanyeol as it's only passenger like it had been for hours. The redhead had dozed off more than once, leaning again his guitar case with a small box pressed between his hands.

A grunt from the driver pulled him from his thoughts however, the bus jerking to a sudden stop. Chanyeol glanced around, hands clutching cracked leather seats.

"We're here kid." The bus driver grumbled again, and Chanyeol quickly scrambled up from his seat and down the aisle, bowing deeply to the bus driver before stepping out into the country air.

Sunflowers. Hundreds and hundreds of sunflowers surrounded him, framing the blue sky and Chanyeol couldn't help but smile, not hesitating a single moment before pushing into the tall stalks and disappearing into the fields. He didn't know how long he walked, he didn't stop until he was truly lost in the fragrance and only then did he sit upon the earth, shaded by the tall yellow flowers above. He pulled out his guitar and for hours, lost himself in the music and the sunshine, crying out every song he knew until with a sigh, Chanyeol returned his guitar to its case, his hands instead slipping to a crumbled piece of paper that was resting quietly in his pocket. He'd found it in his maths book, on the very last page

Slowly smoothing it out, he read it for what felt like the thousandth time.

Chanyeol,

You think you need me, but you don't. The truth is I always needed you. I ran from death and you chased it. You were never afraid.  
Life is fleeting, so I'll wait for you. Past the darkness. But don't join me too soon okay? Or I'll beat you up. 

You have life now, live it. And when you've used it all and you're laying as some contented, white haired prune. Then we'll meet again.  
I'll wait for you, so don't be scared.

But for now.  
Set me free.

Kai.

It was a confusing note, Chanyeol had read it so many times. But he was beginning to believe now that it was more so that he didn't want to understand, not that it was difficult or complex. He needed to let go. Kai needed to be free. 

With a broken sigh, the redhead stood again, tucking away the paper and swinging his guitar case onto his shoulder before he reached in finality for the box he'd so carefully brought with him, tipping the lid onto the ground.

Then, he was running, screaming, crying, singing, tripping through plants and darting past petals as ashes trailed out behind him, streaming from the box to dance through the wind. "Be free" was all he could think, cause Chanyeol knew Kai would have loved it here. Chanyeol knew that, dancing here amongst the sunflowers, Kai would wait for him until his life was over. Until he was ready.

It wasn't his time yet, and Chanyeol wasn't going to count the seconds.   
The darkness would come in time. And when it did, Chanyeol would accept it, embrace it.

 

And meet Kai again.


	9. Dreams of Sunflowers (alternate ending / bonus chapter )

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I'm free."

( For all of you still supporting this story. Here is what maybe could have been. )

\--

 

Chanyeols head hung limply as the bus lulled along the dull country road, momentary sleep leaving him with a cricked neck he would surely regret later. 

The sun tickled the back of his eye lids and the leather of his guitar case was rough beneath his fingers, but he didn't stir, the calm consistency of the three hour bus ride leaving him in a calm dream-less sleep. 

It was a hand that finally stirred him, thin fingers pulling relentlessly at his shirt sleeve, until his head raised, eyes still glazed with sleep.   
"Chanyeol! Chanyeol are we here? Is this the surprise?"   
The redhead turned to look out the window, before letting out a sleepy nod, still not fulling parting from his own lethargy.

"Oh my god, oh my god. Chanyeol oh my god." 

Laughing at the other's enthusiasm, Chanyeol gathered up his guitar before pressing the stop button on the wall beside them. The bus halted at the next stop and it was all he could do to try and keep up with the male bounding down the aisle in front of him, leaping off the bus and into the country air in a matter of seconds.

Sunflowers. Before them lay a wall of hundreds and hundreds of sunflowers. They brightened up the sky that had turned a full shade of grey with the weather, and they also paused his companion in his tracks long enough for Chanyeol to load his guitar up onto his back.

"Do you like it.." he whispered, growing worried by his friend's continued silence.   
The male opposite him nodded in slow motion, still frozen in awe before with a cackle he thrust forward and disappeared into the sunflowers.

"Wait for me!" Chanyeol laughed, pushing the stalks out the way so he could  follow after the other:

All that could be seen was green stalks and yellow petals, the field of flowers acting as a fortified canopy that even Chanyeol wasn't tall enough to break through. He tried his best to keep up with the his friend, heavenly laughter and the rustle of leaves his only guide. 

Eventually he came across a reasonable sized break in the stalks, streaks of sunlight pouring through to warm the earth beneath him, and he sat down to wait for his friend, smiling at the thought of him so content, running amongst the sunflowers.

Eventually he turned up in the small clearing, cheeks flushed and eyes glowing.  Chanyeol smiled.

"Having fun, Kai?"  
The other male grinned, head nodding feverishly.

Those who knew Kai in the hospital  would have barely recognised him now, alive amongst the sunflowers. His skin had thrived in the sun and was now thriving and golden, eyes no longer glazed but alight in a melted chocolate brown and his favoured red beanie had long since been abandoned in favour for shaggy black hair, messy and falling in his eyes. 

His former self just seemed like a bad dream, a ghostly hospital nightmare so Chanyeol watched him now as much as he could, wanting to remember an image of him glowing like this in place of him broken and hopeless in a hospital bed. 

With a sheepish smile, Chanyeol flicked open his guitar case, lovingly taking to his instrument with calloused fingers.   
"I'm glad you like it." He mumbled, fingers plucking stray chords as Kai started to dance absent mindedly, feet twisting through a pirouette as his arms cut through the air. Chanyeol smiled, fingers drifting from chords to plucking out a song for Kai to dance too, twirling amongst the flowers. 

When the music came to an end and Kai was left panting from his little performance, Chanyeol's voice broke the air, his lingering smile was more beautiful to Kai than any of the sunflowers here.

"Happy one year in remission." He murmured and Kai grinned, hands running through his hair,  "I finally feel like it's real" he laughed. "It's all gone."

"I'm free."

\--

A sharp beeping broke Chanyeol from his dream, sunflowers morphing into his dusty bedroom roof. He arm swung around absentmindedly, turning off the alarm but also knocking it to the floor in one foul swoop.

He wasn't getting up. Not today.

Instead he rolled onto his side, tears already beginning to gather in the corner of his eyes.   
"I've been clean one year, Kai." He whispered, clutching at his blankets. The calendar seemed to glare at him from across the room, October 15th unlabelled but still so obvious in his mind.

"And I miss you more and more everyday."


End file.
